


You're Doing It Wrong

by Sherlock1110



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Bottom Sherlock Holmes, Confused Sherlock, Crack, Dildos, Established Relationship, Fluff, It's For a Case, M/M, Sexual Experimentation, Top John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 21:43:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4408928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlock1110/pseuds/Sherlock1110
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John walks in on Sherlock.<br/>Sitting on the couch. Listlessly. With a dildo up his arse.<br/>It's for a case. (No really, it is.)<br/>(And he can't help but notice that Sherlock isn't even hard.)<br/>John sputters.<br/>Sexytimes ensured.</p><p>Bonus-points if the reason why Sherlock isn't into it is because he hasn't discovered his prostate yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Doing It Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by sherlockian4evr

“Sherlock?” John ran up the stairs to 221B. “Sherlock, you in?”

He found the detective sat on the sofa, but he wasn't on one side he was right in the middle. Odd.

“You alright Sherlock?” He looked up in surprise.

“J-John?”

“Yeah.” He resisted saying ‘obviously’ like Sherlock would have done. “What are you doing?”

“N-nothing.”

Two stutterings from two separate words. 

“What are you up to, Trouble?” He leant over to kiss him before sitting next to him in the small gap that was left by the detective. As he sat down Sherlock winced. “Babe? What are you up to?”

Sherlock glanced at him sideways and put his thinking face 'on' before turning away. John watched him a moment, seeing how he rocked his hips slightly. There was only one thing that caused that sort of movement and John had a lot of experience in these matters. 

Aware that Sherlock was trying to hide the fact that he was sat on something, John decided to play along. He had got home from the surgery early after all, so he'd probably caught the younger man unawares. He reached over to him and began tickling madly, his hands running everywhere they could reach. 

Sherlock let out an undignified squawk. “J-John.”

“It talks.”

“St-stop it, John.”

“Why?”

“You've g-got no idea how uncomfortable that is.”

“What is?” Deciding to change tactics he moved around so he was on his knees, facing the younger man, and then rugby tackled him into the arm of the chair. 

With a grunt and a yelp Sherlock's reason for being distracted was revealed. 

A rather large dildo was protruding between the cushions. John caught sight of it, then the way he had cut a hole in his designer trousers to make room for it, and burst out laughing. 

“I don't know what the big deal is? You're loads better.”

John was laughing so hard he had doubled over, puffing and panting trying to regain his breath. Once he'd regained some form of his dignity, he reached over for the heavily lubed dildo. “Well at least you prepared it.”

He examined it briefly. It had clearly been bodged by the detective. He had attached it to what looked like the curtain pole… hold on. He glanced to the window and saw one of the curtains hanging by the end hook. It had then been attached to a wooden board that he had slid underneath the cushions. 

“Sherlock why did you use the curtain pole? There's a DIY shop in town.”

“Because I'm going to walk in and ask one of the muppets that work there 'hi, I'm the detective that's always on the news can I have your help?' And when they grin go on to say 'Of course. What with?' 'Oh I need an 18 inch pole to attach to a dildo. Don't worry it's for a case'.”

“Wait… this is for a case?”

“Yes, a man's alibi depends on it.”

“How?”

“Do you really want to know?”

The doctor burst out laughing again. “No, I suppose not.”

“I don't care anyway like I said, you're better.”

“I should think so, too.”

“But why?”

“Apart from the fact that I'm your boyfriend and… warm.” He couldn't think of a better way of describing it and couldn't help the most recent descent of giggles that came with it either. 

The detective stared at him. 

In for a penny… “Ok, what felt different?”

“There was no tingly fuzzy feeling.” He stood up and pulled his pants down. He wasn't even hard. John couldn't help but laugh once more. This was becoming a pattern. 

“Babe? Did you relax around it? Let it touch your prostate?”

“My what?”

“You know what a prostate is Sherlock it's… ok, it's probably not primary school stuff but you're a man and gay.”

“So? And yes I know what it is.”

“Good. I thought you might have 'deleted' it or something. That's what gives you the 'tingly fuzzy' feeling.”

Sherlock was still looking confused. “Oh Sherlock…”

“It's important John. It's for a case. A man's future freedom relies on this.”

“Ok then.” He grabbed the detective's hand and the 'plated' dildo. He tugged him towards their bedroom and pushed him face down on the bed. He landed with a grunt. John tugged his shoes off then his trousers. 

He quickly scrambled up onto the bed and knelt either side of the detective’s legs. “Lube?”

“How do you know I've got lube?”

“Sherlock…” 

He sighed beneath him. His hand moved from where it was resting on the duvet and he reached into the pocket of his jacket. 

John made quick work of his already-loose hole and moved his ministrations to the dildo. He couldn't help but smirk at the way the detective had gone about his 'experiment' alone. Ingenious. He wiggled it free from the curtain pole and positioned it. 

“Ready babe?”

“Just get on with it, John!”

“Tut tut.” 

He manoeuvred the silicon into his already loose hole, making sure to tilt it at the right angle and; “Yes!”

This outburst once again found the doctor in a fit of giggles. 

“Sherlock… Babe, how did you miss it?”

“I- I don't know.”

“You know, you're not making this easy for me to be serious?”

“John, you got home early from work to find me fucking myself, wrongly I may add. What part of that were you expecting to be serious?”

“Good point.”

He twisted the toy in his hand and Sherlock whimpered. 

“You hard yet?”

“Y-yes. Can you not take your time please?”

“Really, really impossible to be serious now.”

He moved Sherlock's knees further apart and moved so he was between them and then began to move the toy as far in as he could. Out. In. Out. In. Until eventually there was a rather large yell from the younger man as he came all over the sheets, completely untouched. He collapsed in a heap and John laid next to him. 

“What about him?”

“You're not the only one who can come untouched.”

It was Sherlock's turn to laugh. “Now who's doing it wrong?”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [John Helps On a Case](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4409045) by [sherlockian4evr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian4evr/pseuds/sherlockian4evr)




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